Work/Life Balance

Summary

• Do as much the night before as possible.
• Make sure you all get enough sleep.
• New behaviors may signal problems at home, at school, or with a care provider.

Most families will have occasional hectic mornings. However, if your child’s resistance to getting out the door in the morning becomes routine, don’t dismiss the behavior as laziness or a power struggle. Consider that new behaviors may signal problems at home, at school or with a care provider.

How parents set themselves up for a difficult morning

Following through with these suggestions should help you and your family get out the door in time.

• Pack lunches, pick out clothes and set out breakfast the night before
• Work out morning responsibilities—like feeding the dog and putting the dishes away—so that everyone is clear about what’s expected of them.

Getting organized also may mean that your family can have some time for togetherness over breakfast before rushing out the door.

Could something else be going on?

A change in a child’s morning eagerness can be reason for concern, however, possibly indicating increased stress in the child’s life.

• Preschoolers may be experiencing separation anxiety as they attempt to cope with new role models, new children, and new routines and expectations.
• Children may be having a problem with a teacher or after-school caregiver.
• Kids that are overly tired may struggle to get out the door in the morning. Look carefully at your child’s after-school life. Does he have enough time during the week for reading, relaxing and playing with friends—or is he overscheduled? Is he getting enough sleep?
• Hurt feelings caused by teasing or rejection may cause children, particularly adolescents, to drag their feet in the morning. Parents need to look out for children whose social pain is ongoing, not temporary, as they are at risk for depression, low self-esteem and even suicide or criminal behavior.

Helping children develop life skills for the morning and beyond

Children who are self-confident and emotionally secure are better prepared to solve problems, deal with hurt and take charge of their lives—and their mornings. These four principles can guide your efforts to help your children develop these qualities:

• Putting family first. Spending adequate time together will instill a belief and trust in your child that she can always feel safe and secure with family.
• Expressing feelings. Help your children express feelings by giving them time, empathy and support. Just listening is a big part of this.
• Giving reassurance. Comforting children is important to their sense of security. Always keep your reassurance realistic.
• Contributing and helping others. When children (and adults) have a sense of being directly involved and doing something positive and constructive to help a problem, everyone gains both energy and confidence.

By Christine P. Martin

©2003-2021 Carelon Behavioral Health

Source: The Secure Child: Helping Our Children Feel Safe and Confident in an Insecure World by Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D. Perseus, 2002; Mom, They’re Teasing Me: Helping Your Child Solve Social Problems by Michael Thompson, Ph.D., Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., and Catherine O’Neill Grace. Ballantine Books, 2002; Food Fights and Bedtime Battles: A Working Parent’s Guide to Negotiating Daily Power Struggles by Tim Jordan, M.D. Berkley Trade, 2001.

Summary

• Identify fears and unrealistic expectations.
• Focus on rational self-talk.
• Try positive self-thoughts.

Like other bad habits, procrastination is hard to kick. It can often undermine success at work as well. The most obvious effects of procrastination include missed opportunities and wasted time. Perhaps more seriously, reinforcement of the habit can decrease self-confidence and lead to poor performance. Start getting on the right track now by challenging the most familiar axiom of procrastination—“I’ll do it later”—and learn how to identify and overcome the causes of this common problem.

Behavioral patterns and distorted thinking often are the two biggest culprits behind procrastination. Examples of distorted thinking can include:

• Anxiety or fear of failure
• Perfectionism and unrealistic expectations
• Self-defeating beliefs or excuses (such as waiting for the right “mood” to start a task)
• Negative self-thoughts (such as “I’m not smart enough”)
• Underestimating the time necessary to complete a task
• Overestimating time available to complete a task
• Reliance on feeling more motivated in the future

Undesirable patterns of behavior also can reinforce procrastination. Unfortunately, these patterns often are self-perpetuating. They include poor time management skills and lack of momentum needed to start and finish a task. As in physics, with procrastination, “a body at rest tends to stay at rest.”

Outside factors, such as family problems or difficulty concentrating because of a distracting or unorganized environment, can play a role, too.

Some causes of procrastination may be beyond our control. But with practice, you can positively change many of them. Try these strategies for overcoming procrastination:

• Identify fears and unrealistic expectations. Try to pin down what’s holding you back. If you can categorize the problem, the solution may become obvious.
• Focus on rational self-talk. Write down all of your excuses and examine the faulty logic behind each. Then, write down a realistic thought next to each excuse.
• Try positive self-thoughts. Replace self-defeating beliefs or negative thoughts with motivators, such as, “The sooner I finish this task, the sooner I can have fun.”
• Set clear, realistic goals. To help make tasks manageable, make a list of every step needed to finish the job. Estimate the time you think you’ll need for each step and then double it. That way, you can pick up where you left off after a break or interruption.
• Discipline yourself. Don’t rely on feeling more motivated later. Once you identify the task and steps needed to complete it, make a commitment to see it through. If necessary, tell a friend or supervisor about your plan.
• Post reminders for yourself in obvious places. Tack them on your car dashboard, computer monitor, or bulletin board.
• Organize your work area. A clean desk can help you clear your mind. Gather all the materials you will need to complete the task before you start. That way, you won’t waste time looking for supplies. Try to eliminate possible distractions.
• Build momentum to see the task through. Try setting a timer for five minutes, then get as much accomplished as you can before the bell rings. If you still can’t find the motivation, make a plan to try again later. But you’ll be surprised at your urge to keep working. Also, try answering all email, text, and telephone messages immediately. This will keep you moving and help you feel that you’re accomplishing something.
• Raise your energy level. It’s hard to feel motivated if you’re tired. Stand up as much as possible during your workday. Make a habit of taking short walks after lunch. And, monitor your sugar and caffeine intake. While these can provide quick bursts of energy, they can often leave you feeling down after the effects wear off.

By Kristen Knight

©2001-2021 Carelon Behavioral Health

Source: Essential Managerﾒs Manual by Robert Heller and Tim Hindle. DK Publishing, 1998.

Summary

• Do you have time for a pet?
• Can you afford a pet?
• Are you prepared to deal with special problems caused by pets?

It happens all the time. People pass by a pet-store window and see a puppy or kitten and take it home right away, only to learn later that it wasn’t the best choice.

Just like owning a home or caring for yourself, pets are a job. The Humane Society of the United States advises asking yourself these questions before getting a pet:

• Do you have time for a pet? Animals need food, water, exercise, care and companionship every day.
• Can you afford a pet? Having a pet means spending money on food, veterinary bills, licenses, training classes, toys and grooming.
• Are you ready to deal with issues caused by pets? Fleas, scratched-up furniture, mishaps from animals that aren’t yet house-trained and health crises are common aspects of pet ownership.
• Can you have a pet where you live? Many rental communities don’t allow pets, and most of the rest have other limits. Make sure you know what they are before you bring an animal home.
• Do I have enough room? Sharing a small space with a large, lively dog is not a good idea—it won’t have enough space to move around.
• Who will care for your pet while you’re on vacation? You’ll need either reliable friends and neighbors, or money to pay for a boarding kennel or pet sitter.
• How do you spend your day? Are you gone all day? Pets need people for daily affection and attention. Puppies and kittens need time for housebreaking, training, and feeding.
• Think about how long the pet is likely to live. Some breeds of dogs can live for 15 years. Cats can live from 15 to 20 years and ferrets can live from six to 12 years. Parrots can live from 50 to 100 years, so they may outlive you. If you’re not in a place to make a long-term commitment, think about getting a fish or a mouse, which is not likely to need decades of care.

Exotic pets

While some people want pets such as cats, dogs, birds or rabbits, others choose exotic animals such as toads, chinchillas, snakes and tarantulas. These pets are not ideal for every circumstance or every pet owner, so know what you’re getting into before you opt to share living space with one of these creatures.

• Check whether it’s legal to keep the animal as a pet. A number of species are endangered and cannot be kept as pets.
• Some food needs may make owners of certain exotic pets squeamish. Would be comfortable feeding a live mouse to your pet snake?

Adopting a family pet

When choosing a pet for your family the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals suggests the following:

• Ask yourself and your child why you want a pet. Talk about your likes and dislikes.
• Don’t expect a child to do all the work. No matter how mature your child is you will need to give constant supervision and be a backup when your child is not able to handle the job.
• Make sure your family is ready for the changes a pet will bring into your home. Puppies need a lot of care and training and can chew household items. Young animals have sharp nails and teeth that can hurt youngsters by accident.
• Make sure no one in your family has allergies. If you’re unsure about your child, have him spend a few hours in the home of pet-owning friends before bringing home a dog or cat.
• Teach your family and kids about the pet before adopting. Learn about pet care. Walking a dog many times a day, cleaning up feces, and feeding and bathing a pet are all part of the ongoing duties of caring for an animal.
• Keep in mind that puppies and kids may not mix. Very young kids may unwittingly mishandle or hurt a puppy or kitten, which are particularly vulnerable to being pulled at, dropped or picked up wrong.

What if a pet doesn’t fit your lifestyle?

You can enjoy the animals around you if owning a pet doesn’t fit your lifestyle. Post a bird feeder outside your home or become a member of a local zoo. Volunteering at a local humane society or animal shelter is another idea.

By Amy Daugherty

©2001-2021 Carelon Behavioral Health

Summary

• Discuss the wants and needs of transition time.
• Plan a regular time to talk about other issues that are impacting your relationship.

Transitioning from work to home

One of the hardest times for couples is when they return home from work. This is true if your work takes you away for the day, for different shifts, or for days or weeks at a time. One or both of you may be busy with the work left behind or may be tired, hungry, or emotionally drained. This is the time for reconnecting after being in different worlds and spending that time apart.

What usually happens at this time? It is the perfect time for misunderstandings, temper flare-ups, dumping on our partner, or tuning the other person out completely. It is a time of transition for everyone.

Understanding unique needs and rhythms

Each person has his or her own needs and also different rhythms. This transition occurs whether the work is done outside of the home or in the home. It also occurs if the job calls for traveling away from home, either for short trips or extended time away.

If your job requires that you deal with people all day, you may be ready for a little quiet time. On the other hand, if you have been working at home or caring for children, you may be eager to have some conversation. If you have been gone from home for a few days or for a few months, there is still a re-entry time. Each spouse or partner will have different needs and different expectations.

Talk it through

What can be done to improve this time? The first thing is to talk about it with each other. Find a quiet time either after children are in bed or when you both are relaxed on the weekend to talk about the wants and needs of this transition time. Some things to keep in mind are:

• How much do we share about our jobs and the issues there?
• Is there a need for re-entry time?
• How do we greet and acknowledge each other after being absent?
• Are there other times of the day when we can connect?
• What are the job expectations regarding your time?
• How do we let each other know our mental state upon arrival?
• How do we deal with other demands, such as children or pets?
• If it is around mealtime, how do we handle the food preparation?

Each couple’s situation and needs will be unique to them. The main thing is to talk and decide on changes that may be desirable. After carrying out these changes, set a time period to measure what is working and what may need improving.

Now that you have taken this time to talk about the transition time, plan a routine time or date to talk about other issues that are affecting your relationship.

By Nancy Terry, L.C.S.W., C.E.A.P.

©2005-2019 Carelon Behavioral Health

Summary

Learn how to avoid letting work get out of balance by getting enough rest and making compromises between your work and family lives.

Working hard to move forward in your career is generally considered a good thing. But when long hours on the job deprive you of a satisfying personal life, it may be time to make a change.

You are probably working too much if your job is having a direct negative impact on your physiological, psychological or social situation.

When work is more important than family

Let’s take Lisa as an example of someone who prioritizes work over other aspects of life, including family. She and her husband, Bill, leave for work at the same time each morning. But Bill is always home by 6 p.m. Lisa is never home before 9 p.m. And when Lisa does arrive home, after a quick hello to Bill and perhaps a bite to eat together at the kitchen counter, she snaps on the computer and starts sending email to her business colleagues. Meanwhile, Bill, who has no work to do at home, has fed and bathed their 3-year-old son and now sits quietly on the den sofa, reading a book to the child.

One night, Bill says something to Lisa about their situation. He tells her that he is lonely, and that often he feels as if he’s a single parent. He says that something has to give. Lisa responds that if she worked less, they’d have less income. She also reminds him that she is working toward a goal. She wants to be the manager of her division, and she knows that won’t happen unless she puts in the time.

Consider compromising

What will give? If Lisa keeps working as she is, Bill will grow more and more distressed. Compromises might be possible. Perhaps Lisa could work late only two nights a week and spend more time with Bill and their son on the nights she is home. But no matter what, meeting Bill’s needs may mean that Lisa will have to give up her career goal. Possibly she could replace that goal with another that fits her life with Bill and their son—changing to a career that allows her to advance but doesn’t require the long hours that conflict with a family lifestyle, for instance.

What if Lisa refuses to make compromises that are necessary for the health of their relationship? Let’s say that Bill finally gets distressed enough to leave. Lisa buries herself even more in her work. She achieves her goal. But at what cost?

The following year she enters into a new relationship with Robert. But gradually the same problems emerge. Lisa needs help.

Get some perspective on what you value

At age 80, many people may still find inner pleasure from what they accomplished on the job. But the pleasure they feel as a result of having built and nurtured families and friendships and recreational diversions may be much more meaningful and sustaining in their old age. Watch a grandfather spending time with his grandchild. Watch a couple sitting quietly on the porch as the sun sets. Watch older people continuing to enjoy friendships that began long ago. These are the aspects of life that many of us may find more valuable than our professional achievements when we reach old age.

If Lisa keeps going as she is, at age 80 she may wind up sitting quietly, and alone, on her porch. She did achieve her goal to be a manager of her company. But was it worth it?

Look at your life

Are you getting enough sleep? Is your partner asking for attention, either indirectly or directly? Is your dog not bothering to wait at the door with his leash anymore? Have your children seen you today? This week? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you working too hard and playing too little? Are you seeing and enjoying friends? Are you taking vacations? An honest look at your life may help you know if you need to make changes.

By Stuart Gitlow, MD, MPH

©1999-2021 Carelon Behavioral Health

Did you miss your daughter’s last soccer game? Want to volunteer for Meals on Wheels? Wish you could coach your son’s Little League team?

You’re not alone. Employees and companies alike have grown all too accustomed to long hours and hectic work environments.

Take advantage of company programs

If you need more flexible hours to spend with your children, volunteer with at-risk teens or care for an elderly parent, talk to your supervisor. Maybe starting earlier or staying an extra hour two days a week would accommodate your personal needs. Offer to try it for a month and then meet with your supervisor to re-evaluate the arrangement. As long as your supervisor is convinced that the same amount of hours will be worked and the same amount of work will get done without overburdening your co-workers, he may be agreeable.

If more flexible time isn’t possible, check out the resources your company may offer through the human resources department or its employee assistance program. There may be an after-school program or elder care agency that could help you relieve some pressure from your schedule.

When you get home from work, try not to vegetate in front of the TV or computer. Spend time reading to your kids, helping them with homework, going for a walk, cooking a meal together or just talking around the dinner table. If you live alone, be sure to stay in touch with friends, so you don’t feel isolated. Talking about a problem or sharing an accomplishment with a sympathetic listener can go a long way to reducing stress.

Find creative outlets

Pursue a hobby or creative outlet that may help you recharge your batteries. Whether it’s sketching, woodworking, fishing, needlepoint, playing sports, or singing in a choir, outside interests can be relaxing and energizing at the same time.

Take care of your health, watch your diet, and get plenty of sleep. And don’t forget about quiet time just for yourself. Time to sit in the park and think. Or just to enjoy your back yard or garden on the weekend. Be as serious about scheduling leisure and family time as you are about your work schedule, and you’ll find that you get more out of life.

Talking shop

Comments like “I have to go to work” or “I wish I didn’t have to leave,” give children a grim picture of the workplace and the potential of their own future careers. Teachers and psychologists say it’s important for parents to think before repeatedly complaining about work in front of their kids.

Children develop their opinions over time, not overnight, so it’s not likely a child will become traumatized by a parent blowing off a little steam one night after a bad day at work. Hearing parents talk about their accomplishments and sense of satisfaction for a project completed, along with occasional visits to the workplace, can give children a more balanced view of the world of work.

By Rosalyn Kulick

©2022 Carelon Behavioral Health

Source: Ask the Children by Ellen Galinsky, William Morrow & Co., 1999.

Reviewed Feb 28, 2017

In order for you to enjoy your time away from your pet you need to select the right pet sitter. Here are some factors to consider before you make your decision:

• Is the pet sitter willing to provide references?
• Does the pet sitter provide detailed information describing services and starting fees?
• Does the pet sitter have commercial liability insurance?
• Is the pet sitter willing to visit your home beforehand to meet with your pet?
• Does the sitter seem comfortable, positive, and competent?
• Does the pet sitter have regular office hours or return your calls promptly?
• Has the pet sitter had training? Are there any prerequisites for employment?
• Is there an established system for handling complaints?
• Is the pet sitter a member of the National Association of Professional Pet Sitters?

Once you have chosen a pet sitter ensure a successful relationship by:

• Making sure your pet sitter knows your pet’s daily routine.
• Provide written information to your sitter about your pet’s unusual habits, health problems, and favorite hiding places.
• Give your pet sitter as much advance notice as possible.
• Leave everything needed for the care for your pet in one area so that it is easily accessible.
• Inform neighbors of when the pet sitter is going to be stopping by.
• Leave a list of emergency numbers-Vet, places you will be staying, plumber, maid service, electrician, etc.
• Make sure you discuss with the sitter any other services that may be available.

©2006-2019 Workplace Options

Many of us struggle with time management and organization as we try to fit into our lives everything we must do and also everything we would like to do. These skills are essential to keeping up with the busy world we live in. We all strive to be good spouses, parents, and friends, work efficiently and productively and still have time to do the things we enjoy. But sometimes it seems there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything. Getting organized and being able to set priorities can be a liberating skill.

Start with a calendar

Add all your business and personal appointments and commitments to a calendar or datebook. Keep it with you all the time and consult it before you make any new commitments.

When you start out, make sure you record not only the special appointments you already have, such as a meeting or a concert, but also the commitments that might seem obvious or unforgettable, such as when you will be away on trips or vacations, when your children have soccer practice or when you have parent-teacher conferences.

Then, before making any further commitments, always consult the calendar, even if you think you will be free at that time. This way you won’t overschedule and inadvertently commit to things you can’t possibly do.

And while you have your calendar open to check for scheduling conflicts, immediately record each new commitment so you won’t forget and then become overscheduled.

Make “to do” lists and prioritize

We all like to think that we won’t forget, but chances are that sometimes we will. Making lists is a useful technique for doing household chores, shopping, going to the bank, picking up the kids and so forth. The things that cannot be put off should be at the top of the list. When possible, group errands together that are near one another so you don’t need to make more than one trip.

Most people also need help in organizing their workspace. Here, too, making lists can be helpful to remind yourself of projects you need to prepare for or responsibilities you need to fulfill.

Keep your workspace neat

Files can be used to organize paperwork and more easily locate what you need to work on next. In/out boxes can help in keeping track of what still needs to be completed. Keeping yourself free of distractions in order to get work done can also help you focus on and organize your work. Aids such as earplugs or ear buds can be helpful for filtering out extraneous noises.

Schedule time for yourself

The hardest part of getting organized may be remembering to allow time to spend with your family and friends and doing things you enjoy. Try to schedule time for yourself (yes, in your calendar) so that your own well-being is not neglected.

Help your child get organized

Start by asking your child how their bedroom works for them—are they frustrated that they can’t get to tennis practice on time because they can’t find their racquet in their messy room?

Point out ways your child is already neat, then tell them that you are ready to help them if they need more help getting organized. With your child, make a list of areas that need organizing and work together, grouping like items together and getting rid of unneeded items. Work project-by-project to keep you both from getting overwhelmed.

By Heather Abrahams, MD

©2022 Carelon Behavioral Health

Are you taking work home? Do you do things like rehearse in the car how you will squeeze in time to finish a report at home—since you’ve promised to take your turn cooking dinner?

Our home and work lives can blur together easily. Clear boundaries between them can disappear. Over time, this can multiply our stress loads enormously.

“I find myself hiding work from my family,” says Dave, a marketing expert. “I often sneak into my home office, pretending to look for a book. I feel like a thief stealing family time while I quickly check business emails.”

Since our life is really a whole unit, no one can separate home and work in reality. Everything flows together. 

However, you can set boundaries and establish routines for keeping work stress and family time apart. These healthy boundaries will help you focus better on work—turning out projects you’re proud of—and also focus on quality time with your family.

Give yourself a transition

In making the transition from work to home, it helps to plan for this mental shifting of gears. Take at least 30 minutes to transition physically and emotionally from one setting to the other.

These tips can help you shift gears after work:

• Stop for a quick stroll on occasion. For instance, stop for a magazine or juice. Or, take a 10-minute stroll at a park on the way home.
• Verbalize your frustrations in the car. Sane, normal people do talk to themselves while driving. Go ahead and gripe, groan and rehearse the day’s events out loud. If you’re near other drivers and feel embarrassed, pretend you’re talking on a cell phone or singing.
• As you drive, find a physical cutoff point on work stress. When you drive past a certain building or bridge, tell yourself, “I’m in the home zone now. I’m done thinking about work stress for now. I’ll find quiet time after dinner to think about my work problems, if I need to.”
• While driving, focus on something positive to do at home. For example, focus on that ball game you want to watch. Think about taking a 20-minute walk around the neighborhood with your spouse. Visualize climbing into the tub for a soak before bedtime or holding your new baby until he falls asleep.

Don’t unload on your spouse

It’s important to share work stress with someone besides your spouse. Have a pal you phone once or twice a week to blow off steam. Try to keep these calls short—about 15 minutes—so that you won’t depress the other person.

Ideally, your supportive listener should work for another employer. It’s risky to discuss private issues about your boss or co-workers with another co-worker.

Put work into firm time slots

While no one can do this perfectly, try to focus sharply on work accomplishment during specific time frames. Some people call this approach “working in time blocks.” This efficiency helps take care of work spilling over onto your home life.

“I use Tuesdays and Thursdays to contact people,” says Karen, a corporate CEO. “I make a long list of emails to send, calls to return and faxes to send on these two days. I spend Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays reviewing materials, planning and making decisions. This method really helps me get a lot done.”

Jason, a telephone company executive, tries to keep work done at home to a predictable one-hour period. “I focus on my family until 8 p.m.,” he says. “Then, I pounce on my briefcase to tie up loose ends by 9. I announce that I’ll need this hour when I first come home, if I must have it.”

Keep family stress away from work

Working efficiently will help prevent work taking over your home life. On the other hand, it’s important to manage your family life well, so that you’re not taking personal problems to work with you. Try these tips for keeping family stress under control:

Hold family meetings. It takes less time to sit down to discuss problems properly than it does to mentally drag them with you. Spend 30 minutes every Saturday morning on issues such as chores and who does what.

Meet with each child every single night. Take five or 10 minutes. This is the best way to stay on top of potentially large problems. 

“My son was failing English,” says Phillip, a family counselor. “We addressed the problem for just a few minutes every night. Within three weeks, we both felt much better. We discussed options the first week. We found a tutor the second week. By the third week, he and the tutor were making real progress.”

Spend 15 minutes on “couple problems” each night. Keep things focused, without sharing too many details. On weekends, sit down for at least one 45-minute session. This helps you keep family and marriage issues manageable.

“Family meetings and talking over issues privately with one’s spouse and each child sounds like a lot of work,” says Tom, a church pastor.  “But it’s quite the opposite. Now that I have these meetings, I can focus on my work duties a lot easier this way. I used to get into big quarrels with my wife and kids over stressful issues. That doesn’t happen anymore.”

By Judi Light Hopson

©2022 Carelon Behavioral Health

Families are busier than ever before, so make an extra effort to let your spouse, children, parents, and other special people in your life know how important they are to you. There are lots of ways to do this; here are some to get you started.

• Make time to listen thoughtfully to your loved ones. Be careful not to jump in with your opinion too quickly.
• Schedule time alone with each of your children. Let them decide how they want to spend this special time with you.
• Make a date with your spouse. Plan something special like you did when you were dating.
• Take your kids for a walk after dark. Look for stars in the sky and listen for the night noises. Children remember these out of the ordinary times spent with parents.
• Watch the sun set. Better yet, get up really early and watch it rise.
• Read books together every day. Don’t stop just because your children learn to read.
• Give lots of realistic, specific praise to your children.
• Tuck love letters under pillows.
• Allow each of your children to plan the dinner menu one day each week.
• Cook together without worrying about the mess you are making.
• Create a special hand signal that means “I love you” to your family. Use it often.
• Invite each of your children to go for a ride in the car alone with you. Make your destination a surprise (the park, the ice cream store, etc.) but plan on the ride being half the fun. You’ll be amazed at the subjects that your children will talk about in the car!
• Have a family movie night once a week. Rent a video, pop some popcorn, and enjoy the time together.
• Pull out your old board games and have a game night. Include all generations of your family.
• Show films or photographs from when you were young. Compare them to your children’s photos. Share your family history. Encourage your parents to tell your children about things that you did when you were young.
• Tell every single member of your family how much you love them. Tell them often.
• Never underestimate the power of a hug!

Be careful to keep family activity schedules from becoming a burden. It’s important to have time for some of the little things that create the best memories.

You can see that most of these ideas for busy families do not cost a lot of money but they do require an investment of your time. Children grow up fast, and the best thing you can give them is an armful of memories to look back on. They will stay connected to you because you took the time to connect with them!

©2005-2021 Workplace Options

Summary

• Alert your boss and key clients.
• Gain information, find support, and stay focused.
• Talk with your spouse and children.

Juggling five major work projects might seem difficult at the moment. But what would you do if a family crisis arose to boot?

Managing at work

• Don’t overwhelm your boss with details. Why? You’re going to need practical cooperation from the boss—maybe lots of it. If you give too many details, you will intensify your boss’s stress. This will make it harder for him to offer flexibility or empathy if things go from bad to worse.
• Alert key clients (internal and external). Contact those who need to know. Phone to say, “I have a family emergency. I can’t get the information you requested until early next week.” Or, email important customers to say, “I have a family crisis going on. I will be in my office from 9 a.m. to noon only this week.”
• Set up communication support. Call on trusted people who will alert you if there’s a problem. For example, if your son is recovering from a motorcycle accident, ask a certain nurse on each shift to call you if anything changes. Or, ask a co-worker to forward work emails to your home.
• Call in favors. Ask for a little help from lots of people, and don’t wait too long. If your crisis is really stressful, it’s better to risk straining a few people than overloading yourself to the max. For example, ask your next-door neighbor to pick up your son from soccer practice. Or, see if your sister-in-law can help you catch up on laundry. Maybe someone can drive needed papers to your home or office.
• Work in focused time slots. When a crisis first arises, you may have to leave work for three straight days—or three straight weeks. But when things calm down, you probably will want to deal with pressing matters at work. Focused time slots can help you keep critical work projects moving; maybe you can work from 9 a.m. to noon each day and then attend to personal matters in the afternoon.
• Find out if your company offers any resources. For example, ask someone in human resources if your company can provide time off, dependent-care assistance, or other resources.

Dealing with the crisis

In order to manage your crisis, gain information, find support, and stay focused. Ask lots of questions and don’t give up until you get acceptable answers. Here are some tips:

• Face the real facts. If your parent has had a stroke, talk with doctors about recovery time, needed assistance, and financial obligations. Unanswered questions and false information can absorb your energy and ability to cope.
• Talk with others in the same boat. For instance, if your husband has had a serious heart attack, speak with people who’ve dealt with similar problems. The hospital social worker can put you in touch with other families who’ve managed similar illnesses.
• Take things one day at a time. Any crisis is best managed in 24-hour increments. Focus on what you can give or do without jumping too far ahead. Keep in mind that a crisis destroys much of your ability to plan. Accept that you will be coping—not planning well—until the worst part of the crisis is over.

Managing your family

As soon as you can reasonably stabilize the crisis situation, create a plan for your family to cope.

The crisis, your home life, and work all need to be managed as individually as possible. Try these suggestions:

• Talk with your children daily. Children will act out their frustrations when parents withhold information. In an age-appropriate way for each child, answer questions about your sick loved one or someone who has died.
• Don’t hide all of your stress. Without role models, children will not learn that it’s OK to feel their emotions fully. It’s OK to let them see some of your tears and hear some of your fears—as long as you don’t overwhelm them.
• Honor your spouse’s feelings. That is, share feelings appropriately. As a couple, try not to overload each other—regardless of what is going on. Don’t treat your spouse as a miracle worker; he has feelings and needs during this time, too.

By Judi Light Hopson

©2002-2019 Carelon Behavioral Health

Source: Judi Light Hopson is the co-author of Burnout to Balance: EMS Stress.

Summary

• Maintain a regular sleep schedule.
• Plan quality time with your family.
• Make plans with other shift workers.
• Take care of yourself.

Did you know that almost 15 million Americans are shift workers? A shift worker works a nontraditional schedule with the majority of hours falling outside of the traditional 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday workweek.

The increasing reliance on shift workers is related to the demands of a 24/7 society. The prevalence of shiftwork is greatest among workers in service-sector occupations, such as protective service (police, firefighters, and security guards), food service, hospitality, and health care. 

There is a good chance that you or a family member is a shiftworker. If you are, you know very well that shift work is more than just a job, it is a lifestyle. 

Shift work can have an impact on the functioning and well-being of people. The importance of developing effective coping mechanisms and a healthy lifestyle is critical to shift workers and their families.

The biological clock

Why do people have problems adjusting to shift work? Researchers point to the fact that human beings are diurnal creatures, that is, we are accustomed to being awake and active during daylight hours and asleep at night. Our circadian system (or biological clock) is set to synchronize our natural biological rhythms to a 24-hour period. This internal timekeeper is slow to adjust itself to a night work schedule because the body is not programmed for sleep during the day and alertness at night. Shift workers can suffer from “shift lag” syndrome: fatigue, moodiness, insomnia, digestive problems, and diminished mental agility and performance.

In addition, society expects people to do their sleeping at night. Community and family activities take place during the day, early evening, and on weekends, when shift workers are sleeping or working. Together, biology and society can make shift work challenging for workers and their families.

Getting quality sleep

Perhaps the hardest part of coping with shift work is having to sleep in the daytime, when the body is programmed to be awake and active. You can reduce insomnia and fatigue by using the following sleep hygiene tips:

• Maintain a regular sleep schedule. Try to keep the same bedtime from day to day so your body can readjust its circadian rhythms.
• Reduce light, temperature, and noise levels in your bedroom. Seek absolute darkness by using heavy drapes, window shades, or eyeshades. Keep the room on the cool side because you sleep best when your body temperature drops, as it does normally at night. Eliminate noise by disconnecting the phone and doorbell, wearing earplugs and using a fan or “white noise” device. Inform family and friends of your sleep schedule so they will not disturb you.
• Get as close to your usual amount of sleep as possible. Do not cut back on sleep to engage in other activities. Most people need eight hours of sleep per day to function at their best.
• Develop a pre-sleep routine just as you would when sleeping at nighttime. Relax by taking a shower or bath, reading, eating a light snack, and brushing your teeth.
• Avoid alcohol and caffeine before bedtime. They will only disrupt the quality of your sleep.
• Skip heavy meals before bedtime. Stay away from spicy or greasy food. It is better to eat lighter foods such as soup, fruit, yogurt, or toast.
• Avoid sunlight before bedtime. Sunlight can interfere with sleep by signaling the brain that it is time to be awake. Wear dark sunglasses during the drive home. Let the sunlight shine in when you get up.

Family matters

How well your family copes with your work schedule is as important as how well you handle it. Here are some suggestions for successfully balancing work and family:

• Communicate with each other! Have regular family meetings to discuss and resolve problems, plan activities, and support one another.
• Plan quality time together. Establish your own special rituals and holidays. Even if your plans involve low-key or routine activities, set a date in advance so everyone can look forward to these times together.
• Post a monthly planner where family members’ activities, chore schedules and memos are shared.
• Take an active role in your child care arrangements. Have a reliable back-up plan for emergencies.
• Check in with your family by phone at an appointed time every night. Carry a cell phone so that you can be reached in case of an emergency.

Take care of yourself

Finding time and energy to take care of your own personal health, both physical and emotional, may be the most challenging aspect of being a shiftworker. Yet, it is also the most important job you have. Here are some ideas:

• Eat balanced meals high in lean protein, complex carbohydrates, fruits, and vegetables.
• Make plans with other shift workers. Not only will it be easier to get together with people who share your non-traditional work schedule, developing friendships with others who understand the special challenges of shift work will pay off emotionally. You may even be able to work out mutually beneficial child care arrangements.
• Allow time for recovery. Plan on transition time when coming off your workweek so that your body has a chance to readjust to daytime living. Social activities should be organized on days when you are feeling rested and rejuvenated.
• Increase your physical activity during leisure time. Join a gym or take regular fitness walks. Research shows that regular moderate levels of exercise at the same time each day can help synchronize the circadian rhythms. 
• Drink plenty of fluids, especially water, to prevent dehydration and other health problems caused by body changes related to disruption in circadian rhythms.
• Consult with your personal physician if you are taking medication for a chronic medical condition, such as insulin for diabetes.
• Seek out emotional support and other ideas for coping from your employee assistance program (EAP) if you are having difficulty adjusting to a non-traditional work schedule. 

If you are able to cope successfully with the challenges of shift work, you will then enjoy its benefits, such as the opportunity to get more involved in your kids’ school activities, avoiding commuter traffic jams, and maybe even a game of tennis or golf when everyone else is at work.

By Karen S. Dickason, L.C.S.W., C.E.A.P.

©2001-2019 Carelon Behavioral Health

Summary

• Maintain a regular sleep schedule.
• Plan quality time with your family.
• Make plans with other shift workers.
• Take care of yourself.

Did you know that almost 15 million Americans are shift workers? A shift worker works a nontraditional schedule with the majority of hours falling outside of the traditional 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday workweek.

The increasing reliance on shift workers is related to the demands of a 24/7 society. The prevalence of shiftwork is greatest among workers in service-sector occupations, such as protective service (police, firefighters, and security guards), food service, hospitality, and health care. 

There is a good chance that you or a family member is a shiftworker. If you are, you know very well that shift work is more than just a job, it is a lifestyle. 

Shift work can have an impact on the functioning and well-being of people. The importance of developing effective coping mechanisms and a healthy lifestyle is critical to shift workers and their families.

The biological clock

Why do people have problems adjusting to shift work? Researchers point to the fact that human beings are diurnal creatures, that is, we are accustomed to being awake and active during daylight hours and asleep at night. Our circadian system (or biological clock) is set to synchronize our natural biological rhythms to a 24-hour period. This internal timekeeper is slow to adjust itself to a night work schedule because the body is not programmed for sleep during the day and alertness at night. Shift workers can suffer from “shift lag” syndrome: fatigue, moodiness, insomnia, digestive problems, and diminished mental agility and performance.

In addition, society expects people to do their sleeping at night. Community and family activities take place during the day, early evening, and on weekends, when shift workers are sleeping or working. Together, biology and society can make shift work challenging for workers and their families.

Getting quality sleep

Perhaps the hardest part of coping with shift work is having to sleep in the daytime, when the body is programmed to be awake and active. You can reduce insomnia and fatigue by using the following sleep hygiene tips:

• Maintain a regular sleep schedule. Try to keep the same bedtime from day to day so your body can readjust its circadian rhythms.
• Reduce light, temperature, and noise levels in your bedroom. Seek absolute darkness by using heavy drapes, window shades, or eyeshades. Keep the room on the cool side because you sleep best when your body temperature drops, as it does normally at night. Eliminate noise by disconnecting the phone and doorbell, wearing earplugs and using a fan or “white noise” device. Inform family and friends of your sleep schedule so they will not disturb you.
• Get as close to your usual amount of sleep as possible. Do not cut back on sleep to engage in other activities. Most people need eight hours of sleep per day to function at their best.
• Develop a pre-sleep routine just as you would when sleeping at nighttime. Relax by taking a shower or bath, reading, eating a light snack, and brushing your teeth.
• Avoid alcohol and caffeine before bedtime. They will only disrupt the quality of your sleep.
• Skip heavy meals before bedtime. Stay away from spicy or greasy food. It is better to eat lighter foods such as soup, fruit, yogurt, or toast.
• Avoid sunlight before bedtime. Sunlight can interfere with sleep by signaling the brain that it is time to be awake. Wear dark sunglasses during the drive home. Let the sunlight shine in when you get up.

Family matters

How well your family copes with your work schedule is as important as how well you handle it. Here are some suggestions for successfully balancing work and family:

• Communicate with each other! Have regular family meetings to discuss and resolve problems, plan activities, and support one another.
• Plan quality time together. Establish your own special rituals and holidays. Even if your plans involve low-key or routine activities, set a date in advance so everyone can look forward to these times together.
• Post a monthly planner where family members’ activities, chore schedules and memos are shared.
• Take an active role in your child care arrangements. Have a reliable back-up plan for emergencies.
• Check in with your family by phone at an appointed time every night. Carry a cell phone so that you can be reached in case of an emergency.

Take care of yourself

Finding time and energy to take care of your own personal health, both physical and emotional, may be the most challenging aspect of being a shiftworker. Yet, it is also the most important job you have. Here are some ideas:

• Eat balanced meals high in lean protein, complex carbohydrates, fruits, and vegetables.
• Make plans with other shift workers. Not only will it be easier to get together with people who share your non-traditional work schedule, developing friendships with others who understand the special challenges of shift work will pay off emotionally. You may even be able to work out mutually beneficial child care arrangements.
• Allow time for recovery. Plan on transition time when coming off your workweek so that your body has a chance to readjust to daytime living. Social activities should be organized on days when you are feeling rested and rejuvenated.
• Increase your physical activity during leisure time. Join a gym or take regular fitness walks. Research shows that regular moderate levels of exercise at the same time each day can help synchronize the circadian rhythms. 
• Drink plenty of fluids, especially water, to prevent dehydration and other health problems caused by body changes related to disruption in circadian rhythms.
• Consult with your personal physician if you are taking medication for a chronic medical condition, such as insulin for diabetes.
• Seek out emotional support and other ideas for coping from your employee assistance program (EAP) if you are having difficulty adjusting to a non-traditional work schedule. 

If you are able to cope successfully with the challenges of shift work, you will then enjoy its benefits, such as the opportunity to get more involved in your kids’ school activities, avoiding commuter traffic jams, and maybe even a game of tennis or golf when everyone else is at work.

By Karen S. Dickason, L.C.S.W., C.E.A.P.

©2001-2019 Carelon Behavioral Health

Summary

Perfectionism:

• Can be self-defeating
• Often involves distorted beliefs
• Can have negative consequences

Perfectionists miss project deadlines because they spend hours agonizing over getting their work “just right.”  Perfectionists refuse to let their mistakes go. They feel guilty for taking a carefree moment—even playtime must be highly organized. For perfectionists, their best is never quite good enough.

Sadly, by trying to eliminate failure and rejection, perfectionists set themselves up for disappointment, missed goals, and even self-destruction. Recognizing the difference between having drive and being driven is the first step toward finding middle ground.

Healthy striver vs. perfectionist

To get the idea, examine the differences between a “healthy striver” versus a perfectionist. Setting goals is important to both kinds of people. But a perfectionist often sets unrealistic goals based on the expectations of other people. A healthy striver sets goals that require effort, but are within reach and are based on personal desires. And, a healthy striver enjoys the process of working toward a goal, taking satisfaction in painstaking effort but accepting limitations.

A perfectionist never feels satisfied, even with what others would consider a job well done. Worse, preoccupation with fear of failure can create a vicious cycle in which mistakes or criticism can be devastating. Unfortunately, perfectionists also may project their unrealistic standards on others, and feel just as distressed when people can’t live up to those standards. In contrast, a healthy goal-oriented person can bounce back quickly from disappointment and accept constructive criticism.

Distorted beliefs

As with other self-defeating behavior, perfectionism often is associated with distorted beliefs, such as:

• “All or nothing” thinking. If it’s less than perfect, it’s worthless.
• Fear of disapproval. Acceptance can be everything for perfectionists. But they often push others away while trying to hide shortcomings.
• Focusing on “shoulds.”  Perfectionists’ lives often function according to a rigid set of standards that overlook their true desires.

Negative effects

Those distorted beliefs can have negative effects. Consider the possible damage caused by perfectionism’s double-edged sword:

• Low self-esteem
• Depression, anxiety, or panic attacks
• Loneliness
• Frustration and anger

Strategies for overcoming perfectionism

Overcoming perfectionism requires courage because it means facing fears and accepting imperfections. Intense perfectionists experiencing depression can require long-term treatment. Other strategies start with a change of perspective.

• Be aware of the difference between high standards and perfectionism. Focus on personal success rather than avoiding failure and you may find opportunities otherwise missed.
• Think positively. Substitute more reasonable thoughts for highly critical ones. Acknowledge the good facets of a less than perfect performance.
• Pay attention to how your critical nature affects others. If you can’t live up to your own high expectations, how can you expect others to? Be mindful of this when you find yourself criticizing someone else.
• Set realistic goals. One sure way to combat the fear of failure is to set reachable goals. If you feel anxious or depressed, ask yourself if you set impossible standards. If necessary, break a daunting job into several more manageable tasks. Reward yourself when you reach each benchmark.
• Set a time limit for every project. When that time’s up, force yourself to move on. That way, it’s impossible to spend three hours grinding out the “perfect” sentence, for example. Success takes time, and don’t expect to find it overnight.
• Avoid “all or nothing” thinking. The world won’t end if you’re not perfect. Try experimenting with your standards for success. For example, if you finish two chores rather than three, recognize that as progress toward crossing them all off your list.
• Don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes. Making mistakes is part of being human. Admitting them can even help others see you as more human—and therefore more likeable. And facing up to a mistake will help you avoid the anxiety involved in having shortcomings.
• Learn to accept constructive criticism. Look at criticism as an opportunity to learn a new skill or expand your perspective. And remember that some of the world’s most brilliant achievers have faced doubt or outright skepticism.

By Kristen Knight

©2001-2019 Carelon Behavioral Health

Source: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign; University of Texas Campus Resources, http://cmhc.utexas.edu/; The University of South Florida Counseling Center for Human Development; University at Buffalo Counseling Center; American Psychological Association, www.apa.org; The Art of the Possible by Alexandra Stoddard. William Morrow, 1995; The Perfectionist Predicament by Miriam Elliot, Ph.D., and Susan Meltsner, MSW. William Morrow, 1991.

Returning to work after staying home with your children can be challenging. With time and practical steps, you can adjust well to life back at work.

Practical aspects

Have you set up child care, back-up plans for child care, after school care, sick child plans, budget changes, etc.? If not, you may find yourself overwhelmed before you have time to adjust at work. Get all of the practical concerns covered before you return to work.

Life at work

Another immediate concern you may have relates to life at work itself. Whether you are returning to a previous position or starting with a new company, you may have to adjust to changes in people and procedures. The following tips may help you handle the changes with ease:

• Be humble and open to learn what’s new in the industry or simply in office procedures.
• Be friendly and patient as you observe the social dynamics at work. Rekindle old friendships or form new ones.
• Wherever reasonable, conform to the general way things go at work. This could be in the level of formality, attire, taking breaks, joking around, or other subtle things that you notice.

Normal emotions

As you settle in with your new routine, don’t be surprised if your emotions run in every direction for a while. At the same time you can feel excitement and dread, peace and guilt. This is quite normal. Here are a few responses you may have:

• Sorrow: Any change almost always involves loss. It is normal and healthy to mourn the loss of more time with your children, familiar routines, and other things you liked about being at home. Allow yourself time to grieve, knowing it will pass.
• Guilt: Whether you chose to return to work or had to, you may feel guilty about not being at home. The feeling, however normal, does not mean you are a bad parent. Talk to a trusted loved one about your feelings and let the guilt subside with time.
• Insecurity: Expect to feel out of your element at first. New routines can stir feelings of insecurity, but you can let those feelings motivate you to try hard and learn well. Remember, you have skills and strengths—you are of worth to your company.
• Rejection: Change is hard for others, too. Your co-workers may feel shy or uncertain around you, making you feel rejected by them. Be patient and be yourself. You’ll all settle in soon. You may also encounter someone with a negative attitude about parents who take years off from work to raise their children. Plan kind responses to others’ foolish comments.

A balancing act

Over the long haul as you get used to life back at work, the continued challenge will be to balance the demands of family, work, and your personal needs. You still may have much of the same workload you had while staying at home, making you feel like you now have two jobs. This can be quite stressful, but with patience and perseverance, you can strike a balance. It may help if you:

Get the entire family to pitch in to do household chores, or hire outside help if you can.

• Create time in the morning or evening to spend with your children.
• Schedule regular dates with your spouse.
• Plan fun family outings.
• Have regular family meetings to discuss everyone’s concerns.
• Keep in regular touch with your friends and extended family who support you.
• Stay as organized as you can at work.
• Pursue flexible-work arrangements if available and helpful.
• Take care of yourself with adequate sleep, nutrition, exercise, and relaxation.
• Talk to a trusted friend or mental health professional if you are having difficulty adjusting to all the demands placed upon you.

By Laurie M. Stewart

©2008-2022 Carelon Behavioral Health

Summary

• Assume that most people want added responsibility and are willing to learn.
• Do not delegate what you can eliminate.
• Don’t expect everything to be perfect right away.

Having a full-time job and running a household can be overwhelming. And it can be a real struggle to find time to ourselves. Frequently, we take on responsibilities around the house that could be delegated to our husbands, wives, or children.

It is important to realize that the people in your life can help you manage your responsibilities. People generally like to help and feel good when they are trusted to perform different kinds of tasks.

But delegating responsibility and getting family members to pitch in is not always a simple task.

Don’t let excuses get in the way

It is important to remember that delegating can help you get more done, but in order to delegate effectively, you must first assume that the following statements are not true:

• I could do it better myself.
• I don’t know if I can trust him to do it.
• They can’t do it.
• I don’t have the time to show anyone how to do it.
• I’m the only person who knows how to do this.
• They messed up last time, so I am not giving them anything else to do.

The best way to debunk these beliefs and to increase balance in your life is to assume that most people want added responsibility and are willing to learn. Your family members will appreciate that they are able to help and will be even more thankful when you are less stressed. And keep in mind that the time you take in the short term to delegate responsibility will pay off in the long term.

What to delegate

First of all, do not delegate what you can eliminate. Realize that sometimes you can’t get everything done, even with help. If it’s not necessary, it just might not get done, and that’s OK.

Depending on their ages, children can help with routine activities such as:

• Watering the plants
• Washing the dishes
• Cooking dinner
• Making the beds
• Grocery shopping

And, for your partner, nearly everything is probably fair game!

Getting family members to pitch in

Your family will help you if you approach them in the right way. Keep these tips in mind when asking for help:

• Create a plan to delegate. Do not give out assignments haphazardly. Make a plan for sharing responsibilities. Ask family members for their input and which tasks they prefer.
• Trust your family to do well and do not look over their shoulders or check up with them along the way, unless they ask.
• Don’t expect everything to be perfect right away. Be prepared to trade short-term mistakes for long-term results.
• When you finish giving instructions, ask, “What else do you need to get started?” They will tell you.
• Keep an open mind. Others may end up doing a better job than you or finding new ways to complete a task. For example, you may find that one of your children is a very talented cook! 
• Give praise, feedback, and additional responsibilities.

By Lisa Kaplan

©2002-2019 Carelon Behavioral Health

Source: www.getmoredone.com/; www3.myprimetime.com/work/life/index.shtml; www.workingmommall.com/; www.worklifebalance.com

Learning to set limits by saying no is an important skill that can help keep you and your family on track.

Keep family time sacred

It’s easy to let family time fall through the cracks. Obligations outside the family, like work, committee meetings and volunteer work, can keep you on the go most of the week — not to mention chauffeuring your children to practices, scout meetings and other activities. And while these activities may be fun, enriching and otherwise rewarding, the fact is, the overscheduled family has little time for meaningful, one-on-one and group family interaction.

It’s important to treat family time as sacred — something that cannot be rescheduled, cancelled or overlooked. What do you want your family time to involve? An expectation that everyone be present for dinner? One night a week devoted to “together time”? Time allotted for one-on-one activities between different family members? Making a priority out of these desires will help you say no when confronted with a one-time request or bigger commitment of your time.

Also, saying no isn’t only about not consenting to things that you don’t want to do. It’s also about making hard choices: saying no to things that may bring you personal fulfillment, but which compromise time for togetherness, and setting limits on your children’s schedules.

How to say “no”

Saying no is easier said than done. Keep these pointers in mind when faced with a request:

• Be assertive and unapologetic. “No, I won’t be able to fill in for you on Sunday.” “No, you cannot go to Ellie’s on Wednesday night to study. That’s the night we do something as a family.”
• Be polite. “Thank you for thinking of me. I will let you know if my situation changes.”
• Do not give a reason unless that information would be useful to the person who made the request. Reasons provide material for the requester to build a counter argument.
• Do not give excuses. Small lies can catch up with you.
• If you feel uncomfortable saying no on the spot, tell the requestor that you need time to think it over or to run it by your family. Make sure you get back with the person promptly, however. You don’t want to mislead them.

Be ready for resistance

Unfortunately, an honest and straightforward “no” sometimes prompts a negative reaction. Being prepared for such resistance is a good idea. Reactions to saying no may include:

• Anger: “I cannot believe you aren’t willing to help out with the Christmas pageant!” Such a reaction may be difficult to hear, but keep in mind that an angry response is not your problem. You can respond by saying something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
• Guilt-inducing: “Well, if we don’t find someone to drive, we’ll have to cancel the field trip.” Using empathy is a good comeback. “It sounds like I’m not the first person to turn you down. I’m sorry I cannot help out this time.”

Remember, you have the freedom to choose what’s best for you and your family. Setting limits by saying no will demonstrate your love and commitment to your family.

By Christine P. Martin

©2022 Carelon Behavioral Health

Summary

While commuting you can listen to audio books or organize your day. You can also use a fuel-efficient car, carpool, or use public transportation to save money.

Many of us probably know too well the agony of sitting in an endless traffic jam or waiting for a crowded train that’s running late. Don’t despair, however. If you commute on a daily basis, chances are you can do more to make the most of your time and money, as well as ease rush-hour stress.

Some people spend less time than others commuting to work. But, to put the time commitment in perspective, let’s say a commuter spends an hour getting to work and an hour getting back. That’s two hours a day, five days a week. Over the course of a year, that adds up to almost 22 days spent commuting. And after several years, well, you do the math.

You also should think about how much your commute costs. How many miles do you drive round trip? How many miles per gallon does your car average, and how much do you pay for gas? Do you pay for parking? Or, how much does your train ticket cost per day?

And most importantly, consider whether you’re getting the most for the time and money you spend commuting.

Making the most of your time

If you drive to work, try these tips for maximizing your productivity on the road:

• Listen to audio books. Since you can’t read while you’re driving, why not listen to that new book? Or if you’re planning a trip abroad, bone up on the local language.
• Plan ways to organize your day. A little thought ahead of time can help keep you on track.
• If you must make or receive calls, use a hands-free auto attachment for your mobile phone. Keep calls short and postpone them when possible. Always put driving safety first, and be aware of any laws in your state that govern the use of mobile phone usage while driving. Do not compose, send, or read text messages while driving.

If you carpool or take public transportation, you have a few more options:

• Use a laptop computer to get a jump on your work.
• Write a to-do list or reassess your goals and priorities on paper.
• Relax. Read a newspaper or a good book, or just meditate. This can improve your state of mind and help prepare you for the day.

Making the most of your money

If you have to drive to work, you can take steps to make the trip less costly and save you trouble in the long run, including:

• Buying a fuel-efficient car. Your car burns more gas when you travel faster.
• Avoiding quick stops and starts that guzzle gas.
• Consolidating your daily commute with your errands.
• Keeping your tires properly inflated to avoid burning lots of extra gas.
• Minimizing the use of your air conditioner.
• Keeping your car properly maintained. Don’t let this slide, or you could find yourself on the side of the road one day—late to work and stuck with a huge repair bill.

If you take public transportation, you also can find ways to save time and money:

• Instead of driving to the train station and paying for parking, can you take a bus?
• Find the quickest, least-expensive route or means of public transportation.
• Buy a monthly or yearly public transportation pass rather than purchasing your ticket daily. They often offer discount fares as well as making it quicker to get on the train.

Using alternatives

If you’re simply fed up with your commute, you might want to try one of these alternatives:

• If you don’t already, consider taking public transportation. Besides the obvious benefits of easing the strain on the environment and congested roads, it can save you the huge expense of using your car to get to work—cutting gas costs and maintenance and insurance fees, to name a few. Some employers also offer subsidies or more flexible schedules for employees who use public transportation.
• Carpool. Join or start a group. Check the web or phone book to see if your community has any services that match you with other riders. Carpooling can save time and money, and you might even make new friends.
• Bike to work. It might sound far-fetched, but bicycling can keep you in shape and it’s definitely an inexpensive way to get around. There are many websites devoted to bicycle commuting.

Minimizing stress

Finally, keep cool during your commute. Don’t let commuting stress cause an accident or otherwise ruin your day. Try:

• Deep breathing. Repeat a calming word or phrase.
• Using imagery. Visualize a relaxing place or experience.
• Listening to relaxing music or talk radio.

And, always travel safely.

By Kristen Knight

©2001-2019 Carelon Behavioral Health

Source: American Psychological Association, www.apa.org; Chicago Sun-Times Business, http://www.suntimes.com/business/index.html; Commuter Connections, www.mwcog.org; Commuter Page.com, www.commuterpage.com; Loyola University Stritch School of Medicine, http://www.meddean.luc.edu/

Summary

• Utilize time slots of just 10 or 15 minutes to stay ahead.
• Choose some chores for weekdays, others for weekends. 
• Carve out time for family.

Are you working a lot of overtime? Long workdays can cause any of us to fall behind on chores, time for family fun, relaxation, and personal care.

Focus on ways to utilize time slots of just 10 or 15 minutes to stay ahead. Separate chores and activities into two basic categories: Choose some for weekdays, others for weekends.

Weekday worker

Here’s how to use weekday time slots, before and after work, more productively:

Focus on clutter control Monday through Friday. Spend 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night to speed through the house and straighten up. Require others in your family to do the same. Cleaning should be saved for weekends.

Tackle all laundry on weekdays. Whatever you do, keep that laundry spinning through. It takes longer to catch up here than on any other single chore. When you first come home on weekday nights, toss in a load of clothes. If necessary, dry the load the next morning. Pitch everything in the dryer before you start the coffee.

Hold nightly 15-minute family pow-wows. Don’t put off “talk time” until weekends. Children need comfort and connection on a day-to-day basis.

Get a food plan in order for Monday through Thursday. For example, fix a large pan of baked chicken and a huge pot of spaghetti on Sunday afternoon, freezing part of each. Alternate serving these main dishes Monday through Thursday night. Eat out on Fridays or order fast food. Take turns cooking on weekends or eat healthy submarine sandwiches.

Create a Monday through Thursday “salad bar.” On Sunday nights, chop up several varieties of vegetables and fruits, plus cheeses low in fat. Place these items into zipper-type bags together in the refrigerator on a deep serving tray. Add bags of boiled eggs, dried fruits, nuts and seeds. For picky eaters, add melon chunks, a carton of cottage cheese or other favorites. Have at least two bottles of your favorite salad dressings in the fridge. Each family member can make a salad from this “bar” on weekday nights to complement the main dish.

Weekend warrior

Try to do these chores on Saturdays and Sundays: bill paying, grocery shopping, cleaning, and organizing. These tips can help:

• Switch to online bill paying. Sit down on Sunday nights and send electronic checks from your personal account to your creditors. Some banks and credit unions will actually mail certain bills for you via snail mail. Manage everything from one site.
• Do all major grocery shopping on weekends. Don’t spend every weekend shopping, however. Instead, do “marathon shopping” every third or fourth weekend. Stock up on everything possible, so you can quickly shop for perishable items in between.
• Ask kids to “roll” their wardrobes for next week. On Sunday nights, each child can coordinate five outfits, including socks and underwear. Then, have each child carefully roll these outfits together and place them in a large drawer. Or, ask each child to fold five complete outfits and place them on a shelf they can easily access.

Carve out time for family

Focus on goals that count most. The following tips can help:

• Spend time exercising with your children. When they’re adults, they’ll cherish memories of looking back on family interaction. Passing the TV remote back and forth isn’t the answer. Instead, play a vigorous 20-minute game of basketball right before dinner. Or, take a group walk on weekends.
• Set aside time to connect with extended family. For example, phone grandparents or cousins one night per week. Sunday nights work well for most families. Children tend to feel less lonely if they have emotional support from adults in addition to their parents. If you work overtime, your kids will feel the void. Extended family helps fill that gap. 
• Ask your spouse for one-on-one time. Go for a private walk or eat one meal out—even if it’s breakfast for two at a fast food place.
• Develop a group plan for responsibilities. Make sure your family teamwork is in place. For instance, place a tablet in the kitchen for writing a shopping list. Ask kids to write down needed purchases—even though you’ll make final decisions.
• Devise and implement a chore plan that is supported by your children. If you work long hours, you must require this assistance for your own sanity.
• Ask your kids to contribute good ideas to a family suggestion box. Teach them to think of solutions that will benefit the group—better ways to cook, do chores or relax together. Reward them for useable solutions.

By requiring help from your family, you can save a little time to relax on weekends. On weekends, allow yourself to “flip a switch” for a few hours—forgetting chores and other responsibilities.

If you don’t carve out this time to flip this switch, you won’t feel rested or restored on Monday morning. Every weekend, try to do something just for you—for example, visit a bookstore or eat at a new restaurant—to nurture your spirit.

By Judi Light Hopson

©2002-2019 Carelon Behavioral Health

Summary

• Take care of yourself.
• Get some help.
• Leave work at work.
• Leave the guilt behind.
• Forget micro-managing.

Just as there are many different kinds of child care, there are many different kinds of working moms. Mothers who work do so for various reasons, from financial need to personal fulfillment. Most working mothers’ concerns can be divided into two categories: how their personal lives affect their careers, and how their professional behavior affects their personal lives. The following lifestyle changes may make it easier to keep the professional and the personal on an even keel:

• Take care of yourself. The old adage “If Mom’s not happy, nobody is,” is true. A whole, peaceful woman is better able to deal with life’s slings and arrows than a fractured, stressed-out one. Go with whatever makes you feel best: Don’t pressure yourself into more work-related reading at home if you really need a relaxing bubble bath at that moment.
• Reach out and get some help. You may not have a nanny on call, but maybe you can telephone your best friend or sister to help you out. Consider making time to make new friends by joining a mothers’ group—both you and your child will get some “face time.”
• Organize for the “face-off.” At some point, a dance recital could be scheduled at the same time as a presentation. The more organized you are, the less likely it is that overbooking will happen. When possible, try to make a “face-off” decision when you can think clearly, not when you’re in the midst of chaos and stress.
• Share with your children. Even if your child is very young, be honest about working and about why you work. Don’t hide your briefcase from your child—by showing your pride in your job and helping kids understand financial realities, you’re doing them a service.
• Leave work at work. A crucial factor in early childhood development is interaction. You may not have the choice to work or not—but you do have the choice, off-duty, whether you interact with your kids or stress about tomorrow’s work deadline.
• Leave the guilt behind. It’s natural for a working mother to experience guilt, both because of her attachment to her child and because of social archetypes about mothers as primary caregivers. Remember that times and archetypes have changed.
• Keep up with bennies. Learn as much as you can about what your workplace offers in terms of parent-related policies. Get to know your human resources representative; then, when you don’t know something, you’ll be more likely to ask questions.
• Forget micro-managing. This goes for home and office. Let your kids pack their own lunches and your husband do the laundry—the responsibility is good for them. And, if you want to spend more time with a child, let your assistant take the call or go to the meeting.

Resource

Working Mother Magazinewww.workingmother.com

By Bethanne Kelly Patrick

©2002-2019 Carelon Behavioral Health

Source: The Harvard Business Review; The Boston Globe; Public Agenda Online; The Guardian (Manchester)